Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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