Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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