if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize