if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You made out with two different species that night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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