Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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