I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
