Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My feet surprised me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
