I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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