Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
