i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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