Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
