I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Your dad touched me again.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
3pm strippers are depressing
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
