i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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