this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize