you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
