Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
