I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Randomize
