just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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