i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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