Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
