you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
