and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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