I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
