Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
