You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
