I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
