I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
and she was petting her beer can
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
