If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
