69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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