You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am full of burrito and curiosity
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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