I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
