I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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