I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
