I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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