don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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