Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
