One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize