I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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