his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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