No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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