I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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