he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
