Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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