Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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