this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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