Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
