I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
