come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
