My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize