Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
