You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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