i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
