Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
