I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize