Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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