At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well I just put wine in my tea
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
