so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
