why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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