But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
