WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
