We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
