my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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