Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
