I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
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