I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
