Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
