I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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