I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize