i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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