Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
