Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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