I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
