We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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