Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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