My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
