i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
