According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
